Almost all my life I’ve absolutely despised children. Pretty much from the moment I stopped being a child I’ve hated being around children.
It doesn’t even matter what the child is doing. Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.
I’ve had to leave social gatherings/restaurants/grocery stores all because if I’d stayed I’d have made a complete ass of myself by screaming at a child just for existing.
It’s even worse with infants which makes me feel horrible because I know they can’t help it. I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is there anything I can do to stop from getting so angry?
I recognize everything you’re saying, and I know it’s presumptuous, but I doubt it’s actually hatred. It’s a very visceral reaction that turns into frustration because it’s often situations you can’t change or extricate yourself from. And if there’s no outlet, anger/rage is one of the easiest emotions. Maybe you should look up Misophonia and see if you recognize it. It won’t fix your issue, but it might help to put a name to it, to know you’re not crazy and you’re definitely not alone. For me it’s not just kids, I also need to get away when I hear people eat. Loud eaters just kill my apetite instantly and the response to it is physical. I just can’t be around it.
Whenever kids make noise, I get this uncontrollable, physical reaction. It’s kind of like nails on blackboard stuff, you know, but a thousand times worse? All it makes me do is wanting to get the fuck out of there. I can actually FEEL it. It’s visceral. And I know they’re not doing it on purpose, and I would never ever let the kid know, because it’s not their fault. But I just can’t deal with it. It’s so bad that I’ve gotten off buses/trams when some baby starts crying, just to wait at the stop for the next one. I’ve actually exited stores, when kids are being loud, which as you know, in some stores is pretty useless because there are almost always kids around. Internet really saved me there, I haven’t been shopping in years, just order pretty much everything online. The worst time for me was a flight where I got stuck with a screaming 4-year old for hours, which actually brought me to tears from frustration, because I couldn’t leave and I couldn’t blame the kid, especially because his mom was a total moron and only made it worse by yelling. Luckily the flight was only a few hours across Europe and not transatlantic, because I might have offed myself.
Sadly I don’t have a fix for you, but if you find one, please let me know. ;) I’ve been luckier than some, in that I only have one sibling, who also doesn’t want kids, and while I do have 2 cousins with kids, we never see each other, which is mostly because I moved abroad over a decade ago. Avoiding places where kids congregrate is easier if there are no kids in your social circle, although of course you can never avoid them 100% of the time.
I’m neridivergent and have issues with misophonia. Your description of listening to people eat was spot on. Hearing people chew food or smack gum makes me want to smack the gum the fuck up out of their mouth. I like these people but the reaction that misophonia causes in me feels barely containable. I’ve had to walk away from people to collect myself or have someone else help customers because of the physical and psychological reaction it causes. It feels violent and torturous. I also have this same reaction to kids and babies being loud or crying. Yes, your crotch goblin is cute. Yes, I recognize that they are kids and these things aren’t controllable. But that doesn’t stop me from having serious sound stimulation overloads that bring me to the brink of sanity, that’s not controllable either no matter how much I wish it was. .
OP, best way to deal with it if it is a misophonia issue is to carry around ear plugs or do what I do and get some nice noise cancelling earbuds. If you’re in a situation that you cant use these things, like a family gathering of people who won’t understand what you’re going through, take frequent breaks. Go outside, go take a breather on the bathroom, talk with someone you trust and see if they will step aside with you for a bit because I’m 100% sure there are others there that don’t want to hear the kids being loud.
My misphonia is so bad. Crunching is like blinding red rage for me. Smacking your lips or sucking on your fingers…forget about it. I have to leave the space. I can not manage it within my being. Just attempting to walk away in a rational manner is difficult. I am most likely also neurodivergent but the undiagnosed 70’s kid kind. I just got some of those fancy new earplugs and use noise cancelling headphones a lot. I also have to just get out of there sometimes. It’s so seriously irrational. When I was a lot younger I had a lot of anger problems that I now realize were frustration at certain noises or situations.