First off, so sorry I missed your message… no idea what happened. I was like “I wonder what happened to that person on lemmy” and came looking and your reply was marked as “seen”. The good news is, I have read up on OCD and dyslexia in case one of them resonated with you, so I’m feeling fresh lol.
Secondly, what sorts of OCD behaviors did you do as a child? That seems to be the next path to explore.
Thirdly, when I say “look through people”, here’s an example: my boss will come up with the intention to have me hop on a project. I will often know he wants this just based on how he opens the conversation (occasionally not). Then, I will know exactly what he expects and he will think about it and be like “oh we should do this” when I knew full well he was going to say this (this is more frequent). I don’t know if this is more clear but hopefully that’s clearer. I don’t mean social cues, which seems to be more like what you’re describing. I’m autistic, so I’m bad at them. If they’re properly described, I can do them fine but they’re typically not intuitive.
Forth, I match nearly all your answers for what it’s worth. Do with that what you will. I’m specifically AuDHD (pronounced ow-D-H-D, which means ADHD and Autistic too, so that could be some reasons like switching special interests. Also for psychology, my longest special interest, I did not discover I liked it until I was in my late 20s. Before that I would switch. I still switch on others (cars, computers, gaming, LEGO and some others) and have moved on from others (Barney as a kid, art, BMX) but for some reason psychology “stuck”. Maybe it’s getting older, idk.
Fifth, I have a couple more questions I thought of after.
How do you feel about idioms? Like are they intuitive or did you need them explained the first time? Do you find them interesting or kinda whatever?
What contributes more to society: creativity or collaboration?
Have you always felt or known you’re different than the “normal (popular) kids”
Do you understand flirting / can you tell when someone likes you?
Did you need to teach yourself to smile at some point?
Lastly, to answer your question, autism is a neurological condition that is decided genetically from conception. There is no cure, but you could argue that there is nothing to cure (and this is key) in the right environment. There’s a good argument to be made that it’s a disability when we’re forced to be who we’re not and the world is not build for us. And obviously, there are high support needs people that would probably always be considered disabled, but that’s a LONG chat for another time. THAT SAID: There is stuff to that can be done. That is also a long chat, but if you are autistic (or whatever, this applies to other stuff too) and you don’t know, then you by definition have a LOT to learn about yourself. Truth is you will probably figure it out in time (think the old man that hates change always tinkers in the shed… probably autistic AF and never knew, but he’s in his zone and happy) but getting a name for things can fast track you decades and help you find people that “get it” and can turn out to be amazing friends for it. Most people in this boat find the experience transformative and hugely beneficial. I’ll be honest. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.
Hope this helps and that you had a good week. Look forward to hearing back from you!
i did the if you dont do this tic the world is gonna explode, and the mind tics. and i liked psychology at some point but life sadly threw me off this path.
i can “look through people” if im paying attention, or if im closer to that person
by idioms do you mean languages? english is not my first language, i dont get what you mean.
i think both creativity and collaboration play a role.
yes
i can tell quite easily but i cant do it as well
i dont remember, but id say probably not.
old man that hates change always tinkers in the shed
change is good a 2/3 of the time though? but hey, strangely me.
ive been getting some well deserved rest. hope you are well too.
Hey there, so the first example does seem fairly OCD–like the real kind. A lot of people reference it wrongly so I wanted to double check.
Idioms are phrases that don’t make literal sense. For example in the USA, saying that someone is “all that and a bag of chips” means they are exceptional or really cool. Or that a task was a “piece of cake” means that task was easy.
So to be frank I have dug into each nugget of what you said (I cataloged it, because of course I did lol). And you have every sign of being autistic. I made a list of highlights:
I have a friend that identifies with these symptoms. What could the root cause be, if any? - Masking in social situations
Not knowing one’s self (original post about masking)
Has ADHD (you mentioned)
Hates eye contact (I asked)
Authenticity is a highly rated trait in relationships (I asked)
Does not like small talk like thank you/good morning (You mentioned)
Deep-dives interests for a long time (You mentioned): “for a long time” is important here. ASD/AuDHD typically does them for a long time. “Pure” ADHD does them usually less than a week, often to the point where they forget to eat or sleep.
No sensory issues but does prefer comfortable clothes over appearance (asked/told): I would argue that’s sensory-driven (comfort is your sense of touch), but may be nothing to be fair.
Notices traits of utensils but does not bother them (asked): Even noticing them is not typical of allistic people. Could be nothing too, but this is potential sensory thing #2.
Feels different from others (asked): Super common for ADHD and ASD
OCD symptoms as a child: Common for ASD kids too. As many as 38% of ASD people have OCD as well, compared to 7% of the general population.
Seeing through people’s intentions when trying (asked): Fairly common, especially of the PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidant) profile of ASD. I will write about this a bit at the bottom.
Can see flirting but does not know how to flirt (asked): Not knowing how to flirt is super common for ASD
Resonates with the example of “old man that hates change always tinkers in the shed”(you mentioned): This is something that resonates frequently with ASD people because of the predictability and being ok with solo activity.
Before I go on: The PDA profile of ASD is basically that being met with demands will trigger anxiety/fight-or-flight (demands could be anything like: questions, plans, decisions, instructions, time constraints and more). The difference is, all those are fine if you consent. Example, We have had this chat and you consented to the parts you answered. But what if your significant other needed you to run to the store while they were making dinner with no notice. Would it be a little annoying or would you total dread it/it would give you anxiety? PDA people also have higher than average social skills when they need to. Example, can you almost magically tell when someone is trying to sell you something or wants something from you? You may be PDA. PDA is huge and has literal books on it, but I credit it with the reason I often considered being autistic (sounds like you considered this before, yes?), but when I would look into it I “wasn’t”.
Ok all that said: if it’s not ASD or some alternate profile (what used to be called Asperger’s Syndrome, or the PDA profile), I am totally stumped. You show so many markers it’s wild. I have no idea how you scored so low on the test. The test is only 80% accurate, so 1 in 5 can’t be diagnosed by it so maybe that’s why. But you have had OCD symptoms as a kid (OCD has 38% comorbidity with ASD) and currently identify as ADHD (up to 80% comorbidity with ASD). Not liking change and being ADHD simply don’t fit together as well. And you survived all these long ass write-ups haha, but that could be the novelty-seeking to be fair! I’m not trying to tell you what you are but IMHO you 110% are autistic and other stuff is helping to hide it. Side note, if me telling you I think you’re autistic is repulsive (this includes earlier in the conversation, like when you said the tests were no different than past tests), PLEASE look into the PDA profile. That is exactly how it would feel. I had a buddy I knew was autistic and it took me 4 months of patience to get him to believe me.
I would love to hear your thoughts.
P.s. I’m glad you’ve caught up on some rest. Diagnosis aside, rest is healthy for everyone and self care is so so important!
i get those, but i cannot tell if its because im already acquainted with them or if its because i understand them innately? idioms in my native language sound much more intuitive to me (and honestly much cooler) now that i think of it.
But what if your significant other needed you to run to the store while they were making dinner with no notice.
well id be annoyed, like i usually am, but not the end of the world. ill take a small break to get some fresh air.
PDA people also have higher than average social skills when they need to.
ok maybe, but i cant do it for 15 minutes before getting exhausted. social interaction IS mostly intuitive for me (after some introspection), but thats only if im engaged enough to be able to pay attention to other people without that being a drag for me. i kind of dont want to bother with normies because they wont ever reciprocate that effort, but at the same time i like some of them and do because loneliness is also exhausting.
to be clear, i do like change most of the time. i have some routines and things i want to keep stable that help me stay calm and functional, but i actively seek shakeups in my life when im on a slump and get frustrated if i cant get it. i’m currently feeling like this for a long while now. i kind of want to throw it all away and do completely different things from scratch.
i think most of these things are also done by allistics? i feel that i cant relate to autism even if many signs point in that direction and i am constantly asking myself if this is truly the answer. its confusing if a little frustrating.
but at any rate i’m here to understand things, and you seem both knowledgeable and willing to share it. my only real resistance to autism is the fact its a game over kind of thing where there is no real solution. how can i effectively learn to act normal consistently if my brain isnt made for it? how do i unlearn it when i want to relax from pretending to be normal? “just being myself 🌼” is stupid and impractical on a capitalistic society that wants me to conform to standards that are impossible to me so i can be exploited? how can i even find peace?
are there fixes i can try immediatly to try and see if it fits with PDA and if it helps?
First off, so sorry I missed your message… no idea what happened. I was like “I wonder what happened to that person on lemmy” and came looking and your reply was marked as “seen”. The good news is, I have read up on OCD and dyslexia in case one of them resonated with you, so I’m feeling fresh lol.
Secondly, what sorts of OCD behaviors did you do as a child? That seems to be the next path to explore.
Thirdly, when I say “look through people”, here’s an example: my boss will come up with the intention to have me hop on a project. I will often know he wants this just based on how he opens the conversation (occasionally not). Then, I will know exactly what he expects and he will think about it and be like “oh we should do this” when I knew full well he was going to say this (this is more frequent). I don’t know if this is more clear but hopefully that’s clearer. I don’t mean social cues, which seems to be more like what you’re describing. I’m autistic, so I’m bad at them. If they’re properly described, I can do them fine but they’re typically not intuitive.
Forth, I match nearly all your answers for what it’s worth. Do with that what you will. I’m specifically AuDHD (pronounced ow-D-H-D, which means ADHD and Autistic too, so that could be some reasons like switching special interests. Also for psychology, my longest special interest, I did not discover I liked it until I was in my late 20s. Before that I would switch. I still switch on others (cars, computers, gaming, LEGO and some others) and have moved on from others (Barney as a kid, art, BMX) but for some reason psychology “stuck”. Maybe it’s getting older, idk.
Fifth, I have a couple more questions I thought of after.
Lastly, to answer your question, autism is a neurological condition that is decided genetically from conception. There is no cure, but you could argue that there is nothing to cure (and this is key) in the right environment. There’s a good argument to be made that it’s a disability when we’re forced to be who we’re not and the world is not build for us. And obviously, there are high support needs people that would probably always be considered disabled, but that’s a LONG chat for another time. THAT SAID: There is stuff to that can be done. That is also a long chat, but if you are autistic (or whatever, this applies to other stuff too) and you don’t know, then you by definition have a LOT to learn about yourself. Truth is you will probably figure it out in time (think the old man that hates change always tinkers in the shed… probably autistic AF and never knew, but he’s in his zone and happy) but getting a name for things can fast track you decades and help you find people that “get it” and can turn out to be amazing friends for it. Most people in this boat find the experience transformative and hugely beneficial. I’ll be honest. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.
Hope this helps and that you had a good week. Look forward to hearing back from you!
i did the if you dont do this tic the world is gonna explode, and the mind tics. and i liked psychology at some point but life sadly threw me off this path.
i can “look through people” if im paying attention, or if im closer to that person
by idioms do you mean languages? english is not my first language, i dont get what you mean.
i think both creativity and collaboration play a role.
yes
i can tell quite easily but i cant do it as well
i dont remember, but id say probably not.
change is good a 2/3 of the time though? but hey, strangely me.
ive been getting some well deserved rest. hope you are well too.
Hey there, so the first example does seem fairly OCD–like the real kind. A lot of people reference it wrongly so I wanted to double check.
Idioms are phrases that don’t make literal sense. For example in the USA, saying that someone is “all that and a bag of chips” means they are exceptional or really cool. Or that a task was a “piece of cake” means that task was easy.
So to be frank I have dug into each nugget of what you said (I cataloged it, because of course I did lol). And you have every sign of being autistic. I made a list of highlights:
I have a friend that identifies with these symptoms. What could the root cause be, if any? - Masking in social situations
Not knowing one’s self (original post about masking)
Has ADHD (you mentioned)
Hates eye contact (I asked)
Authenticity is a highly rated trait in relationships (I asked)
Does not like small talk like thank you/good morning (You mentioned)
Deep-dives interests for a long time (You mentioned): “for a long time” is important here. ASD/AuDHD typically does them for a long time. “Pure” ADHD does them usually less than a week, often to the point where they forget to eat or sleep.
No sensory issues but does prefer comfortable clothes over appearance (asked/told): I would argue that’s sensory-driven (comfort is your sense of touch), but may be nothing to be fair.
Notices traits of utensils but does not bother them (asked): Even noticing them is not typical of allistic people. Could be nothing too, but this is potential sensory thing #2.
Feels different from others (asked): Super common for ADHD and ASD
OCD symptoms as a child: Common for ASD kids too. As many as 38% of ASD people have OCD as well, compared to 7% of the general population.
Seeing through people’s intentions when trying (asked): Fairly common, especially of the PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidant) profile of ASD. I will write about this a bit at the bottom.
Can see flirting but does not know how to flirt (asked): Not knowing how to flirt is super common for ASD
Resonates with the example of “old man that hates change always tinkers in the shed”(you mentioned): This is something that resonates frequently with ASD people because of the predictability and being ok with solo activity.
Before I go on: The PDA profile of ASD is basically that being met with demands will trigger anxiety/fight-or-flight (demands could be anything like: questions, plans, decisions, instructions, time constraints and more). The difference is, all those are fine if you consent. Example, We have had this chat and you consented to the parts you answered. But what if your significant other needed you to run to the store while they were making dinner with no notice. Would it be a little annoying or would you total dread it/it would give you anxiety? PDA people also have higher than average social skills when they need to. Example, can you almost magically tell when someone is trying to sell you something or wants something from you? You may be PDA. PDA is huge and has literal books on it, but I credit it with the reason I often considered being autistic (sounds like you considered this before, yes?), but when I would look into it I “wasn’t”.
Ok all that said: if it’s not ASD or some alternate profile (what used to be called Asperger’s Syndrome, or the PDA profile), I am totally stumped. You show so many markers it’s wild. I have no idea how you scored so low on the test. The test is only 80% accurate, so 1 in 5 can’t be diagnosed by it so maybe that’s why. But you have had OCD symptoms as a kid (OCD has 38% comorbidity with ASD) and currently identify as ADHD (up to 80% comorbidity with ASD). Not liking change and being ADHD simply don’t fit together as well. And you survived all these long ass write-ups haha, but that could be the novelty-seeking to be fair! I’m not trying to tell you what you are but IMHO you 110% are autistic and other stuff is helping to hide it. Side note, if me telling you I think you’re autistic is repulsive (this includes earlier in the conversation, like when you said the tests were no different than past tests), PLEASE look into the PDA profile. That is exactly how it would feel. I had a buddy I knew was autistic and it took me 4 months of patience to get him to believe me.
I would love to hear your thoughts.
P.s. I’m glad you’ve caught up on some rest. Diagnosis aside, rest is healthy for everyone and self care is so so important!
i get those, but i cannot tell if its because im already acquainted with them or if its because i understand them innately? idioms in my native language sound much more intuitive to me (and honestly much cooler) now that i think of it.
well id be annoyed, like i usually am, but not the end of the world. ill take a small break to get some fresh air.
ok maybe, but i cant do it for 15 minutes before getting exhausted. social interaction IS mostly intuitive for me (after some introspection), but thats only if im engaged enough to be able to pay attention to other people without that being a drag for me. i kind of dont want to bother with normies because they wont ever reciprocate that effort, but at the same time i like some of them and do because loneliness is also exhausting.
to be clear, i do like change most of the time. i have some routines and things i want to keep stable that help me stay calm and functional, but i actively seek shakeups in my life when im on a slump and get frustrated if i cant get it. i’m currently feeling like this for a long while now. i kind of want to throw it all away and do completely different things from scratch.
i think most of these things are also done by allistics? i feel that i cant relate to autism even if many signs point in that direction and i am constantly asking myself if this is truly the answer. its confusing if a little frustrating.
but at any rate i’m here to understand things, and you seem both knowledgeable and willing to share it. my only real resistance to autism is the fact its a game over kind of thing where there is no real solution. how can i effectively learn to act normal consistently if my brain isnt made for it? how do i unlearn it when i want to relax from pretending to be normal? “just being myself 🌼” is stupid and impractical on a capitalistic society that wants me to conform to standards that are impossible to me so i can be exploited? how can i even find peace?
are there fixes i can try immediatly to try and see if it fits with PDA and if it helps?