My brain autocorrected the first three I read. I felt like I was missing the punchline, so I started over to notice.

As the dude who wears loud clothes every so often, to the total chagrin of my partner, that compliment you have was the payoff from a dozen “that’s ugly” vs a dozen “nah it’s dope”. Thank you for settling the debate. Lmao

Why tf do I keep seeing posts about boycotts and protests the day they’re happening

Sometimes I go to the bathroom solely to wipe the sweat from my asscrack/taint. I call it Operation Sweaty Bunghole. This is the first and only time I’ve ever discussed it outside of my own mind.

“May the best daddy win”

I was helping someone move and the elevator in the apartment received a call from “Walmart” saying they were trying to verify a charge for a PS5 Super Deluxe edition plus controller, and to give them a call back. Y’know the emergency call button in an elevator, and how it says when the light is flashing someone has answered the call? It was flashing. Very weird.

The Spire? Send me there, that I may Slay it by throwing my deck into the void and making it spontaneously explode.

I was a certified technician in that pharmacy for 5 years. I can tell you with confidence that is patently false.

It’s honestly the corpse of a retail store being dragged along by a perfectly healthy pharmacy. Every rx sold, regardless of what the customer pays, nets Walgreens the full value of the script. So when grangran runs to Wallygreens to pick up her no cost diabeetus meds, walgreens gets the full 1000+$. And that’s every script sold, every hour of every day.

This bit is hilarious

Paladins tryna long rest in their plate

What makes you think other prone don’t?

1. That’s why I said keep and train, as in practice often and thoroughly. If you just buy a gun and shove it in your nightstand, you’re not going to be effective with it. You have to practice to get good, and that practice will save you if it ever comes to it.

2. Just because a gun won’t magically eradicate the killer for you, it’s not worth having? If we’re talking about maximally increasing the odds of your survival, we should be including every advantage you can get. If two people are being targeted for a killing, assuming all else is equal, the one that has a gun they are proficient with on their person is objectively more likely to survive than the one that doesn’t. You don’t need to be John Wick, you just need to not die.

So, what, just be homeless instead? I don’t understand how having a tool to physically defend your corporeal form could possibly be a bad thing, and this counterpoint makes no sense.

*living in a van could actually be a decent protective measure though, so that’s kinda funny.

I can’t believe no one has said to keep and train with a gun. The best way to live is to kill your killer. Secure channels and home security cameras won’t do shit if you don’t have a good way to physically defend yourself.

This movie was so good, and this scene is peak.

Do you also complain about movies being staged?

Rhe most absolutely cursed thing I’ve ever posted in Teams was 👁 👄 👁 in the org main chat. The mouth is tilted 45°, all the emojis are huge, and weirdly animated. It was very funny.