I remember paper money. In my country there was a period of transition from paper to plastic money where both were valid forms. I had a similar thought. I made some old paper money on a normal printer, but I found an excellent material to use for the woven shiny ribbon. I gave the counterfeit notes to my friends at school for a laugh and they used it to buy things from the dairy and tuck shop (school cafeteria).

Actually worked surprisingly well, until the glue used to join the two sides failed. One note pulled apart and the tuck shop owner noticed while cashing up. The police came around to my house but we placated them with muffins. It turns out someone had tried flushing a bunch of notes down the school toilet and the police tried to retrieve the money from inside the plumbing system.

Fun times. I was about 11 years old. Had no idea of the seriousness of what I was doing. Cops found it pretty funny, but I remember they were still very concerned about the notes spreading into circulation.

Iffy algorithms

I would prefer Satan at this point. At least he’d deliver executive orders by beaming the evil thoughts directly into your head. It’d be so much better than having to visit twitter or truth social.

Maybe sacrificing people to appease the sun god never stopped, and the aptly named illuminati organize a new war every time the sun looks angry

Great idea. We need moth propaganda posters printed ASAP: “Scared you’ll die in the sun? Fear not. Form a Dyson sphere instead.”

Desalinated saline

These are also great for when you’re up to your third divorce and looking for ways to streamline the process

Suqma ballgowns

Obviously fake. Do they really expect us to believe the streetlamps are turned on despite the fact it’s a sunny day? Couldn’t be more obvious

Man… I remember when CCleaner was called CrapCleaner. Feels like a fever dream

Babe Ruth + Billy Ellish = Baby English

“Nice, but I kinda prefer the newer model from the spring catalogue. The subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark.”

This guy fucks.

A robot voice would be great, then he could be muted. Hopefully he dies before mind uploads become a thing. If not, at least the storage costs would be low.

In my experience this is how it feels to communicate as an autistic person

I know, right… Cluck around and find out

Same here. I tried a lot of medications from various psychiatrists over the years. Being prescribed medical cannabis and cbd from a specialist was the only thing that really worked for me

Someone from the Qatar government needs to make him a crown. And stress the fact that it has more jewels in it than the queen’s one. He’d totally wear it