Just like Winnie the Pooh in the Hundred Acre Wood

Everyday I wake up to a new atrocity I have to verify.

“Hello? I’d like to tell you about our lord and savior jesus christ satan.”

Are you offering to help? I suppose he could use an extra hand.

Absurd, I am a regular human with regular human appetites.

Just curious do other humans like me eat more than 1 grain? Just seems greedy to not share with your queen.

Usually 1 grain of rice is filling enough.

Instead a size check, it’s a sniff test.

Well he can go down all those chimneys in one night. Why not hers?

You mean the Sanon the Dork Lard?

Narrator: And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small penis grew three sizes that day.

“What’s Taters?”

“Po-ta-toes… Boil um mash um stick um in a stew!”

Headline: “Unveiled: Trump’s Border Control Idea Involves Giant Trampoline Fields to Bounce Off Intruders!”

Dateline: Washington D.C., December 17, 2023

In a shocking turn of events, leaked documents obtained from a former White House staffer have exposed a startling facet of Trump’s border security strategy: the installation of colossal trampoline fields along specific stretches of the border to deter potential intruders.

Among the documents were purported quotes attributed to Trump himself, endorsing the outlandish plan. “Nobody builds trampolines better than me, believe me. They’re tremendous. These trampolines will be so big, so bouncy, it’ll be impossible for anyone to cross,” the leaked statement attributed to Trump read.

The revelation came through a former senior advisor to the Trump administration who spoke under strict anonymity. “President Trump was enthusiastic about this idea. He believed that the visual impact coupled with the physical deterrent of bouncing off intruders would make crossing the border nearly impossible,” the source disclosed.

When asked about the authenticity of the leaked quotes, the former advisor claimed, “Those were his exact words. He was convinced this was the ultimate solution to our border security challenges.”

Surprisingly, this proposed plan had evoked a mixed reaction within the administration. While some officials reportedly supported the idea as a novel approach, others expressed reservations about its practicality and potential risks.

In response to the leaks, the Department of Homeland Security refrained from confirming or denying the existence of such a proposal. “Our efforts to explore various border security solutions are ongoing. However, specific details on strategies are not disclosed publicly,” their official statement read.

Experts in immigration policy, however, voiced concerns about the feasibility of such an unconventional idea. “While innovative approaches can sometimes revolutionize security measures, the implementation of a trampoline field along the border raises significant safety and circumvention issues,” noted Dr. Emily Rodriguez, a border security analyst at a leading think tank.

The leaked documents did not pinpoint the locations slated for these supposed trampoline fields. Despite the uproar caused by this unconventional aspect of the proposed border control strategy, there has been no official response from the Trump camp regarding these leaked statements or the trampoline proposal.

As debates persist over the effectiveness of existing border policies, the emergence of this bizarre revelation further complicates the discourse on border security and immigration control.

For now, the veracity and potential enactment of the trampoline fields along the border remain uncertain, leaving experts and the public contemplating the practicality and plausibility of such an unprecedented approach to safeguarding national boundaries.

chatGPT Prompt: Generate 10 headlines about Donald Trump’s policies on border control and immigration that are a bit odd but still plausible.

1. “Whistleblower Exposes Trump’s Unconventional Tactics in Border Control Strategy!”
2. “Border Control Chaos: Trump’s Alleged Plan to Deploy Robotic Guard Dogs Revealed!”
3. “Leaked Memo: Trump’s Proposal for a Giant Catapult to Launch Migrants Back Home!”
4. “Unorthodox Measures: Trump’s Border Policy Includes Giant Human-Sized Hamster Wheels?”
5. “Border Barrier Controversy: Trump’s Blueprint for a Moat Filled with Glitter and Confetti!”
6. “Leaked Details: Trump’s Border Vision Encompasses Invisible Sonic Walls to Deter Crossing!”
7. “Outlandish Tactics: Trump’s Alleged Proposal for a Border Wall Infused with Holograms!”
8. “Alarming Strategies: Trump’s Plan for a 50-Foot Deep Trench as Part of Border Security!”
9. “Inside Sources Reveal Trump’s Plan for a Maze of Funhouse Mirrors at the Border!”
10. “Unveiled: Trump’s Border Control Idea Involves Giant Trampoline Fields to Bounce Off Intruders!”

“Someone’s been eating my porridge,” grunted the Papa bear.

“Someone’s been eating my porridge,” moaned the Mama bear.

“Someone’s been eating my porridge and they ate it all up!” cried the Baby bear in ecstasy.

They are going to send the dude with the valve on the back of his head to collect.

Spock on Rock riding Cock

Perfect for when it’s time to take your suicide pills.

It’s on like Donkey Kong

It’s America, we count shit in stars and stripes.

Phil Drabble, well-known as a naturalist who writes and broadcasts about the countryside, was born in a town on the edge of the industrial Black Country.

Despite his unpromising surroundings, he was fired by the same nostalgia for simple things and quiet places that lies deep in in most of us, whether we are town or country-bred.

As an only child, he wandered over the the spoil banks of worked-out coal mines, bird nesting and catching butterflies.

He caught newts in ‘swags’ - the mining subsidence pools - and enlivened breakfast by keeping them in a glass bowl on the dining-room table. Because he couldn’t escape to the country as much as he would have liked, he brought what he could of the countryside to him. He tamed rats and hedgehogs and squirrels and stoats. Later, a badger lived in the stable and came into the house - and he kept a weasel in his meatsafe.

This book tells the story of the animals and birds that he kept, and the fascinating facts they taught him. It also tells a story that might have happened to almost any of us - the story of a boy, fired by forces stronger than himself, which helped him to escape from urban life to eam his living doing pleasant things he’d always dreamed about.