At least Dave got rid of that reverse Flock of Seagulls piece of shit.

I viewed this comic and a cartoon worm started eating all of my icons.

Hey, Google… What’s the best way to suck a dick?

…

…

…

“Sorry, I don’t understand… But I found something else on the web. Do you want to know when sucking a dick, what’s the best way to do it?”

… Yes…

“Okay! … According to Dickopedia, when sucking a dick, the best way to do it is to place the dick deep in your mouth and schlurp on that thang while you suck on that thang. This will make it extra schlimy and grimy! When the blowjob was invented in 1876 by Massachusetts-based baker and suspected witch Edward (Schlick Eddie) Von Howth, schlurping was not a part of the east coast maritime vocabulary. According to --”

HEY GOOGLE, STOP.

It can, but it comes out more like “ROOVE ARONG RITIZEN!”

Being an entomologist would be sweet as hell. You walk into the lab on a Tuesday morning and Jerry, a gray-bearded researcher with spectacles and a friendly demeanor is like, “Hey, come over here, Kevin. Come look at this bug.”, and you go over there and see the coolest fucking bug.

Whang talking about some guy peeling the skin off of his own penis and feeding it to a dog or something.

In John’s defense, that guy looks pissed. Pocahontas was like:

Sorry. That was a stupid word choice on my end.

You’re right. It’s not something I generally use in conversation (not since the early 2010s anyway) and I’m not sure why I thought it was cool to say it on here. Just a shitty reactionary thing that I blurted out.

Yeah, most people are aware of the process, though it doesn’t make adding human saliva to the mix at the store level any more wholesome. There are a number of ways to open a plastic bag that don’t involve your tongue.

Yam section. Can’t miss it.

What an immensely gay fucking thing to plaster on your window.

Produce Manager here. Thanks for all of the gross vegetables!

Produce Manager here. Place the end that opens directly between your two palms, and rub your palms together vigorously. The bag will stick to one palm or both, opening every time. Please stop licking your fingers to open these bags and then picking through our vegetables. You’re gross.

360! 540! 720! 900!

T-T-T-TEN-EIGHTYYY!!

My mom swears that she was driving home one night with her cousin in the 70s and their car started floating 6+ feet off of the ground. She also swears it wasn’t at all drug-related. I think my mom has forgotten just how many drugs they were doing in the 70s.

The recurring use of the word bird throughout that series is one of my favorite parts of the show. I love Birdman, the Australian mullet adventurah who shows about at the Air B&B togoonawalkabewt…

“What’s a robin?”

“It’s a little bidder!”

We just use a Santa hat. Looks great as a topper. Gotta tilt it slightly.

I googled “eldridge horror” and I’m enjoying all of the posts that meant to say eldritch. Though I suppose if you don’t read Lovecraft or partake in nerdom, eldritch isn’t exactly an everyday word, and I can see how it could be misheard.

Also fucking brilliant if intentional here. That gentleman is absolutely one Lord Eldridge, if I’ve ever seen one.

Native: “Tunga m’matwa?” (what the fuck is that?)

Dandy: “My dear savage, you look upon the esteemed Lord Eldridge of Banglesbury!”

Native: “Noka wat’ay?” (why does he look like that?)

Dandy: “My good savage, I’ve no idea what ever the fuck you’re saying.”

I was the PM/Closing Supervisor at a shady (aren’t they all) Kmart for a few years. That job is the sole reason I will never work in general retail or a department store again. People would come on during the final closing announcements and disregard them completely, continuing to shop for 20-30 minutes even with reminders, and then arriving at the till breathing loudly through their mouths with huge books of unorganized coupons further complicating the transaction. God forbid you comment on the time or their lack of courtesy, lest you’ll be called a fucking racist and/or reported to the clownshow that was Sears Holdings corporate offices.