I don’t get it. The heck is that supposed to be

What does this mean though? Sure it’s not new, but does it make it less of a mess?

The first thing that springs to mind is something like a “magic mirror”. I haven’t delved into it a ton, but I’m fairly certain that it would be able to hit most of your criteria.

That being said, I’d think it could be a decent enough starting point to at least find other things in the same vein.

Can you expand on some of this?

I haven’t really heard much regarding them being bad to their community/customer base, though I haven’t bought in a few years.

In regards to cost/performance, what are you meaning you’d need to spend extra on to match that of an old laptop or recycled machine?