Torturing children to own the libs

Earl Gray.

Charred.

deleted by creator

“You’ll cum within 40 seconds by using this iPhone.”

The trick is to bring in whatever busted piece you have and find the exact match. Nobody’s gonna think you’re shoplifting rusted garbage and usually you can knock out your purchase in just one trip.

If your project/fix is too complicated to bring in the busted piece, may God have mercy on your soul.

Clarence Thomas: heavy breathing

The greatest crimes are caused by excess and not by necessity.

“If two men or two women can form a household based on an equal separation of responsibilities and reliance on one another, how am I gonna convince my wife God wants her to do the dishes while I drink beer and yell?”

Just read this book written 2000 years ago and choose your own adventure on how to navigate modern life. Surely this won’t end poorly.

Some have sensors that will really help heat food evenly and will adjust times and power levels depending on what you’re doing. Most are just default cook times, but if you haven’t tried it out, it’s worth it.

Double tap couldn’t hurt

Again?

Didn’t work for COVID but I got a black light back there and some lava lamps and it’s really quite cozy.

Can we make drug testing a part of the election process? I could normally give a shit but I’m curious just how many uppers this man’s on.

Some are also WAY dustier than others. We’ve had to swap a few times since it irritated my husband’s sinuses.

For some, being a straight cis white Christmas male is the only leg up they have ever had on anyone else. They see equality as an attack because inequality is the only way they have status.

Without their bigoted hierarchies, they’re left with a life of well-deserved mediocrity.

Death comes in threes.

Charlie Munger, Henry Kissinger…

I’m very excited to see who our third strike is.

The fuck Simon Says argument is this? Are we in kindergarten?

They wanted this. An angry misinformed mob to do their bidding and distract from the fact that we still don’t have affordable healthcare.

We didn’t roll out of the womb with this knowledge. We just aggressively Google. I’ve reached a point where I’ve stopped helping people if they haven’t done that step first since that’s basically all I’m gonna do. Might not get them what they need every time, but it will clear up a LOT of simple issues.