I’d say “may you live in interesting times” but some fucker already cursed us all with that one.

How old exactly is that one? I can attest to it not being new in 1972. But it could actually be as old as the Great Pyramid for all I know.

May your tongue stick to the roof of your mouth with the force of a thousand caramels

May your marinara never stick to your spaghetti!

What did we do to you?! 😭 /j

May your USB plug never be the right way up first time you try to insert it.

JK, this is true for everyone, every time!

I hope your asshole grows tastebuds.

May a diseased yak vomit in your slippers.